Wow, the hits just keep on coming. Work challenges, personal challenges, relational challenges, spiritual challenges – my challenges have challenges! Somewhere along the path these last few weeks, I’ve lost my way. It’s scary how quickly and easily that can happen. One week, I’m rocking along in a sea of skittles, rainbows and butterflies and the next, my little red wagon of hopes and dreams lay in waste along the side of the road. My wheels have flown off and my precious cargo is strewn into the streets of despair and regret.
Gosh, what a drama queen! Or more accurately — what a hormonal drama queen. (You can send sympathy letters to my husband David at the address below!) I know better than this. I know life is a marathon not a sprint. I know to expect roadblocks in the journey. I know, I know, I know… so why don’t I live what I know? Here is my latest self-discovery, which will probably be no discovery at all to anyone who really knows me: I am an all or nothing girl. At first glance, I wear that label proud. After all, that’s how things get done right? It’s all about commitment and making stuff happen. Being sold out to your goals and dreams. Being “all in” for a cause or need. And while there is certainly is a place for that mindset – it’s a recipe for disaster if you apply it to how you approach life overall.
I have absolutely made myself, and many who love me, miserable lately. You know it’s bad when you are sick of hearing yourself and you aren’t even talking. On one particular bad day recently, I Googled, “I’m so sick of myself!” and found there is an “I’m so sick of myself” support group with 38 members and 17 stories of people being sick of themselves. Actually thinking to do that made me even more sick of myself.
So what’s the answer — besides the obvious one of moderation, balance, baby steps and patience on this journey known as life? Why do things happen that just make no sense or obstacles arise for what seems just like spite? More importantly, how can I keep from responding like I have lately? In all my spastic and frantic activity, when I can manage to get myself quiet and seek that still, small voice, I keep being led to two familiar verses I know, but obviously have not heeded:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5,6
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9
So I’m off to begin again – wisdom and truth in hand. I’m grabbing my big girl pants, reassembling the wagon and getting back on the road. I’m honored to share this journey with so many of you and would love to hear your war stories (and victories!) from the road.